I was remembering the last day of BNYC. How we'd all planned to have breakfast at the mess hall together at 7. At 7:20, I woke up to my phone ringing. I was so sad that I'd slept through my alarm. So I was already crying, before we even started saying goodbyes. I quickly got dressed and ran to where we were all meeting up. And we just sat outside talking and talking. Then people had to leave, so we all started crying. Then it was just us California kids left. We played ping pong and stuff in the rec room. Then my mom came. She brought Ali with her to pick me up. I was fine for the ride home. Then I got home, and walked into my room.. And I'd never felt so alone in my entire life. I just instantly started crying. I missed everybody so badly, even though I'd just seen them all just hours earlier. I'd got 7 weeks with never being alone. Always having somebody - most of the time 36 somebodies - around me at all times. And it was like... I suddenly realized what they'd talked about during debriefing. That being back in the "real world" wasn't going to be as easy as the last 7 weeks had been. And boy were they right.

Anyways, that's not what gave me the flashback, and that's not what I was going for.

We went to Big Bear with our College Group from church. And the weekend.. It was just a really, really good weekend. Tom Licata talked a lot about strengthening your relationship with Christ and what to do to keep it going. And it was just some great talks. And he totally reminded me about one of my old habits! About reading a chapter of Proverbs a day! I forgot how much I loved it. And then besides Tom's lessons.. It was just a great group of people to be with. It reminded me of when a bunch of us went to 6th Flags, and there was absolutely no drama whatsoever. It was the perfect group to be with. Everyone was about having fun and just being with each other. It didn't matter if we didn't get on what rides we wanted to go on, it didn't matter if we had to share food.. It was just a healthy, fun time. And this weekend was like that, too. It was awesome. Just a bunch of us up in a cabin in Big Bear. Laughing, playing games, talking, heading into town.. It was awesome. I can't even explain it. And then, on Monday, I really realized what a great weekend it was. And I suddenly... I missed everyone. Like, majorly. I didn't cry. But I just realized that I really missed everyone we were with. And I'm not the only one who felt that way! It was so crazy. Bethany, Chris, Phill.. It was just weird. We all clicked the right way. Ugh, yes. It was amazing.

Mmmmmmm God is good. God is great. God is amazing.

I love reading.
I am a fast reader.
I am fast, and I comprehend it all.
I can talk about the things I read and not stop.
I dominated the Twilight books in under eight hours each.
And I can talk non-stop about them.

But this book.
It is taking me forever to read.
It's taken me almost a month.
I'm only 270 pages into the book, and there's 303 in the book.
This darn book has made me smile, laugh, and cry. Yes, cry. Full on bawl!
And I can't get through it!
Everybody who loved being in marching band should read this book.
Seriously.
It's just taking me forever to read, and it's driving me crazy.

I almost think it's because I don't want the story to end.

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

I'm not even emo or depressed or sad, and that song still gives me such hope. You could call it an "insta-grin".
It's one of those songs that I can never skip over when it plays on my iPod or CD.

"You raise me up. To more than I can be."
Not just to what I am, or what I might be. You raise me up to more, MORE, than I can be. Like, what my wildest expectations of what I want to do with my life, what my highest goals in school and work... I can totally picture God up there just "You think that's what you're capable of? Oh.. Just you wait." How exciting is that?

Even for silly things. Ignoring school and work.... If I think I'm an extremely fast texter... Oh, I can be faster and more accurate. Or if I think that I can't survive a week without Chipotle, I know that if He wants me to, I can never eat Chipotle again.

And I know, that if I say my car is the biggest piece of crap possible, and that it can't possibly be any less reliable... Oh, but it can. However, I also have the thought, that it can get better! I mean, I'm lucky. My best friend is a car wiz. So I'm able to get things fixed without having to pay an arm and a leg, just an arm. And my car's always gotten me to and from wherever I needed to go, even if it took a little longer than expected. And it's always kept me company.. In the seven times I've locked my keys in my car. I think my car thinks it has a sense of humor. My car thinks it's funny. "haha, she's gonna lock her keys in her car, and guess what! Her AAA card will be locked in the car too!" or how bout "She's already running late, so why not have her get pulled over for speeding." or "Let's have her get her brakes replaced, but, only the brake pads will be in stock, the rotors will be misboxed and will have to be reshipped from the manufacturer". Oh car, you have a cruel sense of humor. I promise I'll stop swearing at you, if you just give me peace for... 6 months. I'll get your oil changed on time, and I won't let you run out of gas (on my same street as my house... on the way to the gas station)...

Wow. I started with a hymn, and ended with cursing my car. Hah. Go figure.

I remember when I was little, and the excited that would spread throughout the neighborhood during a blackout. The three family’s on our end of the block with kids would play hide and seek – where home base was the big palm tree between Brandon’s house and Mr. Ray and Miss Barabara’s house. Count to 60 then find everyone else. We’d played hide and seek a lot, but for some reason, I have this vivid memory of a black out time. And how excited we all were. I remember moving the PlaySkool toy in Matt and Becca’s backyard closer to the fence next to Brandon and Kevin’s house, so that we could jump the fence. Then opening the gate and booking it down the street.

I enjoy blackouts. The last time we had a good black out, it was at night and we were all home. It was so cool. Because it actually let our family had time to hang out together. No TV. No computers. No phone calls. No lights. We busted out the camping lights and did puzzles. I think family’s these days would be a lot happier if we had a weekly evening blackout. Force the family to be together. It’d be good for everyone.

James 1:19-26
I love when you read something and it just smacks you right in the face.
In a good way.
Well, not in a good way necessarily.
I mean, there's reading that you do that is an unfriendly e-mail or a drama filled blog or a vengeful newspaper article or a "you suck" campaign.
Or there's reading that's like "reality check".

"But prove yourselves doers of the Word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the Perfect Law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless."

*slap* *slap*

It's the whole "you can talk the Talk, but can you walk the Walk?" idea.

A worthless religion. That means it's... Useless. Good-for-nothing. Valueless.
If you read the Book and listen to the sermons and sing the songs.. But don't live what you hear and learn... Then that's what your religion is considered. Why spend time every Sunday and Tuesday at church if you're not going to live it? Then that's a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing use of your time.

We live in a country where we're lucky enough to be able to worship freely, so we should take advantage of it.